Neighbor Practical Jokes
There was this Asian lady married to an English gentleman and they lived in London. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn’t know how to put forward her request, and in esperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs.
The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn’t know how to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast.
The lady got what she wanted.
The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store…
What were you thinking?
Helloooooooooo, her husband speaks English!!
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* You take your dog for a walk and both use the same tree.
* You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a flyswatter.
* Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
* You burn your yard rather than mow it.
* You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don’t want it.
* You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
* You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
* Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
* Your grandmother has “ammo” on her Christmas list.
* You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
* You’ve been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
* You have a rag for a gas cap.
* Your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does.
* You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
* You can spit without opening your mouth.
* You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
* Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
* The biggest city you’ve ever been to is Walmart.
* Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
* You’ve used your ironing board as a buffet table.
* You’ve used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
* You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
* You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
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A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversations. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
“Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more.”
“You foul-mouthed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public!”
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That’s not right…
Sum Ting Wong
Are you harboring a fugitive?…
Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me ASAP…
Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man…
Dum Gai
Small Horse…
Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach?…
Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table…
Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a face lift…
Chin Tu Fat
It’s very dark in here…
Wai So Dim?
I thought you were on a diet…
Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone…
No Pah King
Our meeting is scheduled for next week…
Wai Yu Kum Nao?
Staying out of sight…
Lei Ying Lo
He’s cleaning his automobile…
Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive…
Yu Stin Ki Pu
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An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, “I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample.”
The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: “WHAT?”
“What did he say? What’s he want?”
His wife yells back, “He needs your underwear.”
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