Firefighter Practical Joke
A blonde woman was driving her car home one night when she suddenly found herself in the middle of a really bad hail storm. The hail stones were as big as golf balls and her car gets dented up really bad. The next day she takes it in to a repair shop to have the dents looked at.
The repair guy noticing that she is blonde and quite dingy when she speaks, decides to have some fun and tells her to blow into the tail pipe of the car really hard when she gets home, and that doing this will cause all of the dents to pop out.
When she gets home she starts blowing into the tail pipe as hard as she can, over and over. Just then, her best friend who also is blonde shows up. Her friend sees her blowing into the tail pipe and is quite startled by the action. She blurts out all flippantly, “What are you doing!?”
She tells her the repair guy told her to blow into the tail pipe real hard and the dents would pop out.
Her girlfriend says “Duh! You need to roll up the windows first!”
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A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices
a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off
the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl is wearing a fire fighter’s helmet. The wagon is being pulled by
her dog and her cat.
The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. “That sure is a nice
fire truck,” the fire fighter says with admiration.
“Thanks” the girl says. The firefighter looks a little closer and notices
the girl has tied the wagon to her dog’s collar and to the cat’s testicles.
“Little Partner”, the fire fighter says, “I don’t want to tell you how to
run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat’s collar too,
I think you could go faster.”
The little girl replies thoughtfully, “You’re probably right, but then I
wouldn’t have a siren.”
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1.You can tell what type of fire it is by the smell of smoke 10 miles away.
2.You have ever had a heated debate over the color of firetrucks.
3.You have ever spent 10 min trying to force open a door only to have someone come along and open it by turning the handle.
4.You have ever taken 10 or more showers in 1 day.
5.You lay out your cloths from that day so if there is a call at night you can find them quickly.
6.You take great joy in smashing the windows of a car parked in a fire zone or in front of a hydrant.
7.You have ever been airborne without an aircraft and water was your thrust.
8.You always wear red suspenders.
9.You have ever slept in a hosebed.
10.You carry a ton of specially modified tools in your pocket.
11.You ever cursed out someone for armor-alling the seats to make them look nice.
12.You’ve ever clung to the air horn chord for dear life because the driver is insane.
13.You have ever played jingle bells at Xmas time on the air horns to clear traffic.
14.You double your weight every time you go on a job a building.
15.You have ever said, “she’s hot tonight” and not been talking about a girl.
16.You have ever had “yoda ears”
17.You have ever called a person found after a fire a “crispy critter”
18.You have ever smoked and there wasn’t a cigarette in sight.
19.You have ever stomped out a fire with your boots because you couldn’t wait for water.
20.You have ever walked 3 miles into the woods in 100 degree heat in full turnout gear and a 5 gal or more water can strapped on your back just to put out a fire.
21. your kids are afraid to get into water fights with you.
22. “climbing the corporate ladder” has nothing to do with career advancement.
23.your work gear makes you sound like Darth Vader.
24.You roll around in anything that just burned to make your new gear look old.
25.You take pride in the fact that you haven’t washed your gear in years.
26.You carry enough in your pockets to give the Swiss army knives competition.
27.You carry enough in your car to extinguish a minor blaze.
28.You have ever juggled hot coals with your gloves.
29.Your Own vehicle has more lights than a Christmas tree.
30.All the shirts you own say you are a firefighter.
31.You find yourself living at the fire department 365 days a year!
32.When you go to rent a movie, and they insist on getting Backdraft EVERY TIME!
33.You are caught on the back of a truck with your girlfriend or wife in the middle of something and the page goes out for a call.
34.if you have more pagers than than money in your wallet.
35.if the smell of a fire excites you more than sex does.
36.if a great stop has nothing do with a moving vehicle.
37.if assembling a mile and a half of hose to catch fire in running up hill is a good day.
38.The microwave goes off and you run out of the house thinking it was your pager.
39.you ever tried to patent a 911 blocker with the phone Company
40.if you can hear that the siren will go off even before your dog notices it.
41.If you have ever woken up thinking your pager went off and as you look at it, it goes off
42. if you have ever tested your gloves by putting a fuzzie out on your hand.
43.If you have ever been awakened with a CO2 extinguisher
44.If you have ever dried your gloves on the trucks exhaust
45.You know you’re a firefighter when you really think that rusty old hydrant looks good in the garden. 
46.All your friends give you t-shirts from their departments for your birthday, Christmas, anniversary, etc.
47.if your wife voluntarily chooses the lumpy side of the bed to Avoid being trampled in route to a call!
48.your wife/girlfriend has learned to duck and cover when she hears the pager go off for fear of being run down.
49.if you had to extricate someone by cutting the car doors off on one side and realized there was nothing wrong with the doors on the other side.
50.If youhave more toy fire trucks than your kids do.
51.When you have ever made a jacuzzi out of a 2100 gallon dump tank and a rescue boat motor (15 horse Merc). ..It was hot!………….Watch yer toes!
52.When you take all of your improtant stuff (like wallets and pagers) out of your pockets before going to a training involving a portable tank.
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This guy owns a horse farm and gets a call from a friend. “I know this midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse and I’m sending him over”.
The midget arrives and the owner asks him if he wants a male or female horse.
“A female horth”, the midget replies. So the owner shows him one.
“Nith looking horth, can I see her mouf?”
So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse’s teeth.
“Nith mouf, can I see her eyeth?”
So the owner picks up the midget and shows him her eyes.
“OK, what about the earsth?”
Now the owners is beginning to get a little pissed, but he picks up the midget one more time and shows him her ears.
“OK, finally, I would like to see her twat.”
With that the owner loses all patience, picks up the midget and shoves his head up the horse’s twat, and then pulls him out.
Shaking his wet head, the midget says, “perhapth I should rephrase that. I would like to thee the horth run.”
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Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. Friday.
Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.
The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. “You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, much like… well you know what - and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn’t,” he stated in a phone interview from the Lawrenceville jail.
Lawrence went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pretty pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged “need.”
“I guess I was just really into it, you know?” he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice the Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him.
“It was an unusual situation, that’s for sure,” said officer Taylor. “I walked up to (Lawrence) and he’s…just working away at this pumpkin.”
Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. “I just went up and said, “Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?”
“He got real surprised, as you’d expect, and then looked me straight in the face and said, ‘A pumpkin? Damn…is it midnight already?’”
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